Goddamn I am not doing well. I have an extra appointment with my psychologist tomorrow. I dont care. I am just done. I told her that I was very suicidal. She was gonna talk to the doctor today. See what happens tomorrow… now work.
Its getting along ;)
Work is slow and boring right now. I just feel depressed all the time. I need help. But I am not getting any. Everyone seem to think I am doing fine because I handle my work well. That is simply not the case.
Picture from saturday.
Im going to work soon. It was kinda stressful yesterday. But it still went ok. I am almost broke, I have like 2000sek left on my account. I need payday to arrive! Had a meeting yesterday with my psychologist and former contact person at psychiatric rehab. I hated it. I am glad that my time over there has come to an end.
Still self harming. Still depressed. Still I get no help from anyone. I feel so lost.
I am not doing well. Just feel likle fucking dying! I have a lot of alcohol… This night may end up in the hospital. Idk. I have work on sunday and I want to be able to handle it. But right now, nothing really matters. Idk how to handle this fucking shit!
I think it’s the rush of excitement that makes you wanna do it more.
The moment when you realize that your old habbits are back and you’re not able to fight them anymore..
Yesterday was stressful. I had to be in charge of the 60+ workout. I guess it went okay. I am not specially good at it, but at least they got to workout. There was a lot to do at work after that as well. But it went okay. Today I am gonna siogn the papers, to become officially empolyed. Scary, but very very excited and happy!
I am not doing well at all. I want to overdose and cut myself. I really really want to. But I can’t fuck up the job. I have told my psychologist how bad I am doing. She doesn’t seem to care. I don’t know what to do. I am so depressed. I have TRIED to get help but nothing really happens. I am done. I am tired. Tired of feeling like a bureden, tired of feeling lonely, tired of being so depressed and sad, I am tired.
I have sprained my neck really bad, on top of everything. FUCK. It hurts bad, it even hurts up in my ear. I feel so tired and worn out, I really need a break but it will not happend. I don’t know how to fix this. I really don’t know. I want to go to the emergency room and just tell them: “I am done. I can’t do this anymore.” But the thing is, I don’t have time for it. :(
Just been to my psychologist. It did not go so well. I had alot of anxiety and we didn’t really speak of the same things. But was still a good meeting. Have to make some lunch and then its work. But I am gonna sneak in a power nap before work. Slept like 4h this night so. I want to be skinny. My bff has started working with my former pt. So she will probably lose a lot of weight and I will be sitting here all fat. I need to change my eating habits. I have to!!
Is it even worth it?…
Work was tough today. I mean work was ok. But my fucking ptsd and anxiety made everything stressful. Hope tomorrow is better but I doubt it will be. Appointment with my psychologist tomorrow. Thats good. I guess. Feel fat and disgusting
Dont really feel like working. But thats the way it is. Not doing any better today
Now words like “innocence”
Don’t mean a thing
You hear the music play
But you can’t sing
Those pictures in your mind
Keep you locked up inside your past
Matthew West - broken girl
Wish I was dead.