oh I have a thing tomorrow? guess I’ll go to bed at 2 AM instead of 3 AM
My god this anxiety. I can’t stand it. I feel so awful. I am gonna go to the gym soon. Hopefully that will help. I NEED to be okay. But I really, really am not. Fuck my life. I fucking hate myself!
So I saw my psychologist today. It’s been 5 almost 6 weeks. I was EXTREAMLY late because of the trafic. There where road workers everywhere and very long queue both directions. So I ended up being aIbout 35mins late. Luckily my psychologist had time to see me anyway. I have my appointments on wednesday mornings at 8 from now on. That fits well cause then I have time to go home and eat lunch before work.
I have so much anxiety today. Idk why? Everything’s going so well, but I can’t relax. Constant stress. I am scared that I am gonna screw this up. I am so very scared. I just want to be normal. But I am not. I just hope everything will be good once I start working. That I can feel okay, by doing something. Work like ordinary people do.
90mins boxmix tonight. My legs are extreamly sore from these two days workout. But that doesn’t matter. I will exercise anyway.
I have super strong self harm urges. F U C K. I really REALLy want to hurt myself. But I just can’t because of my internship. I don’t want to lose it. This good thing. I need to be able to handle this situation. I am not doing a very good job though. So tired. Both mentallly and physically. I want to write to my psychologist but I won’t.
You guys know that I talked about the psych ward, right? How that was not possible now when I have to fix all of these things with work. But today I feel real strong that I should be there. I am not doing well. Idk what I am gonna do. I don’t want to fuck up. Like I always do.
I fucking hate this shit. Die anxiety, die!
I am struggeling tonight. I have really bad self harm urges. But I don’t want to fuck this up right now. Why does it have to be this way? I feel so anxious. I am gonna take some meds and try to calm down.
I am extreamly bad at posting things here right now. I guess I’ve had a lot on my mind. I don’t know if anyone is even interested in hearing about me and my life.
Tomorrow I have a meeting with the work agancy again. We are gonna talk about some rules and stuff. Hopefully it’ll be alright with everything. I am VERY nervous about starting my internship. But I just have to be brave. Take a leap of faith. I start 28:th & 29:th then I am on my own 31:st. OMG I get so anxious thinking about it. Hopefully it will just run smoothly and without any problems. I REALLY want this to work out. I just gotta stay positive.
I who have a meeting woth my psychologist on wednesday, she’s back from het vacay now, and I was so set on begging her to help me get admitted to the psychiatric ward. Now that feels very far away. I still need a lot of help. But I don’t need the ward. This is ofcourse extreamly good and I feel so glad about this situation. However, and this is a big one, I feel like I CAN’T be self destructive what so ever if I am gonna get this internship. And that has always been my safety. The thing I can lean on. And now, I REALLY CAN’T do that. This scares me. Anyone else understand what I mean hear?
I WANT to have a “normal” life (You know what I mean) but at the same time I am scared, cause I feel very fragile and I want to be okay, do good, be normal, like everybody else. But I am scared that it will spin out of control. I feel so conflicted. I wish I didn’t feel this way. But I do. And I feel like no one understands me. Thay are just like: “It will be okay, everything will be okay, don’t worry about it. Blah blah…” But I do worry about it, and I am scared about it. It’s like I am suppose to be so greatful. And don’t get me wrong here, I AM greatful! Extreamly greatful. But I have these fears and anxiety and it just get swept under the rug.
I feel anxious. So anxious about it. I take a lyrica to calm myself down. Try and get some sleep.
The Turkish company Pugedon has recently introduced a vending machine that’s an innovative way to help both the environment and our furry friends. It releases food for the city’s stray dogs and cats every time a plastic bottle is deposited, and it allows people to empty their water bottles for the animals as well.
This wonderful service operates at no charge to the city because the recycled plastic pays for the cost of food. So, with a little financial investment, the simple machines do a lot of good. They provide a steady source of sustenance to the animals, many of which rely on caring residents to regularly feed them. It also encourages people to make a habit of recycling and help conserve our environment for future generations.
THIS IS WHAT HAPPY LOOKS LIKE!!
I GOT AN INTERSHIP!
And not just any internship either. No. I got the best internship ever. At my gym! OMG I am so happy right now. I can’t stop smiling. Maybe my life will sort itself out now. Maybe it will be okay after all. I was worried about my scars and arms but he didn’t seem to think it was a problem what so ever. He was so kind and positive. He was like: “Oh we were so glad when we heard that it was YOU who were comming here.” I NEVER thought a person would feel like that about me. I have always seen myself as useless and a waste of space. Someone who was not worth anything and who couldn’t contribue to society.
My life starts now. This is it. Finally I am getting somewhere. Hell, screw the math right now. I can focus on this. Take as many hours as possible.
I am kinda nervous though, I am gonna be in charge of the cash registrer and do cleaning. I will miss many of the classes that I usually go to, I’ll be working those hours. But, that’s okay. I’m fine with that.
This is a lot to take in right now. Feel so extreamly happy though.
Now I just need to lose some more weight in order to fit in to the enviroment more. But I am gonna do that this fall. I WILL do it. No more pizza and chocolate!
Arturo is a 29-year-old male polar bear currently living in Argentina’s Mendoza Zoo. He is suffering in 40C (104F) heat in an enclosure that has just 20 inches of water for him to swim in and has as a consequence been displaying worrying behavior.
Please sign this petition or at least spread the word in order to have Arturo transferred to a zoo in Canada which has better facilities for an animal that is used to polar conditions.
I’m going to keep reblogging this until it reaches its goal
Me except 2013
I know I am being ridiculous right now, but I have a lump in my left breast. It’s hard and it hurts. I am gonna give it a week. And if it still there I need to look it up. Feel very drained of energy right now.