Back home again. I guess it went okay. They cleaned my cuts and put on bandaids. One cut had to be stitched but since too many hours had passed, it had to be glued instead.
They talked about my cuts: “They are just shallow, one is a bit deeper but it’s pretty shallow as well.”
Hmm. What counts as a deep cut then? I feel like a compleate loser now. I didn’t even manage to do ONE deep cut. Feels like I just wasted their time.
Gotta eat and get ready for work now. Put pants on, wear a smile, and say hello to everyone.
No one will know. I am good at this, acting. I’ve done it for years…

Back home again. I guess it went okay. They cleaned my cuts and put on bandaids. One cut had to be stitched but since too many hours had passed, it had to be glued instead.

They talked about my cuts: “They are just shallow, one is a bit deeper but it’s pretty shallow as well.”

Hmm. What counts as a deep cut then? I feel like a compleate loser now. I didn’t even manage to do ONE deep cut. Feels like I just wasted their time.

Gotta eat and get ready for work now. Put pants on, wear a smile, and say hello to everyone.

No one will know. I am good at this, acting. I’ve done it for years…

Vi borde inte sitta här och glo på TV varje natt.
Man blir ju knäpp. Vi borde dra.
Men det är ingen som har lust.
Vi var naiva, glada barn, tills vuxenlivet hann ifatt.
Nu är vi barnen av idag,
och dessa barn har ingen lust.

För det är ångest, tvång och höstsäsong,
och ekonomisk undergång.
Varje hinder är så tåligt och robust;
så det är ingen som har lust.

Lars Winnerbäck - Ingen som har lust

Tired sucidal woman with cuts up and down her legs. 
I am a compleate mess up. I TRUELY am. I realize that.
Tomorrow I need to go to the health center to get the deep cut looked at. I know It needs stitches but fuck that. I just don’t feel like going to the ER right now. Took 20 alimemazine and 10 paracetamol (acetaminpphen) I know I REALLY should seek medical advice, but I am just gonna lay down and sleep and fix all of this tomorrow. My bathroom is srcubbed clean, No trace what so ever of this. Just the way I want it to be. I know I am a sick person, but I’ve always found that cleaning up after myself, my mess, my blood has been calming for me.

Tired sucidal woman with cuts up and down her legs.

I am a compleate mess up. I TRUELY am. I realize that.

Tomorrow I need to go to the health center to get the deep cut looked at. I know It needs stitches but fuck that. I just don’t feel like going to the ER right now. Took 20 alimemazine and 10 paracetamol (acetaminpphen) I know I REALLY should seek medical advice, but I am just gonna lay down and sleep and fix all of this tomorrow. My bathroom is srcubbed clean, No trace what so ever of this. Just the way I want it to be. I know I am a sick person, but I’ve always found that cleaning up after myself, my mess, my blood has been calming for me.

No fucking way im going to hospital. But I have od:ed so I really should

No fucking way im going to hospital. But I have od:ed so I really should